She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
