"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
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