There was a lot of him and a little penis
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
