she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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