Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
