If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
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