Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
be right there i have to get my cape
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
