Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
