I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
