You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
