party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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