If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
