Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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