Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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