I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
