Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
