I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
