He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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