Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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