Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
