You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
