Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
zippers are such a cool invention
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
