I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
