Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize