Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
