No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
