Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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