You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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