I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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