You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
