Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
