my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
it's like iHOP with fire
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
