yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
