He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
