I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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