As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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