she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
