Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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