You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
