so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
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