and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
