this beer tastes like vomit already
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
