I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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