I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
