just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
