i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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