He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
