So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
