You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
