these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
