As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
