Acid is not a monday night drug
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
