I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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