i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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