Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
