you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
