he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
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