atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
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