You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
