Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
