Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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