So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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