I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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