But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
