My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
