bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
