There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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