So drunk its hurt
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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