the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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