Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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