god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize