I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Is it penis luge time yet?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
