I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Randomize
