i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
