mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
