Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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