This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
