I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
