I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize