just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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