Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
