he puts the penis in happiness.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
