I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
