look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
