At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
