I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
