pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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