I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
