My underwear smells like fireworks.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
