Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
