he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
