you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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