sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
