wrigley field is MILF paradise
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
